I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels these intense feelings on the day of my birth. This emptiness this array of emotions. I have sometimes felt like I was going to drown in these very feeling, and so I had made decisions to distract myself, to cut off these emotions, to ignore them. Yet each year they would return demanding my attention.
I had a very unusual day on my birthday, of introspection as unlike usual I spent the day alone. I was very happy about this prospect of spending time on my own on my very sacred day of physical birth. Yet the moment I woke up I felt this anxiety, I could not fathom why this was the case, at first I struggled to allow it to flow through trying to convince myself that I should not be feeling this way. In the end I surrendered to the feeling. I was led through anger, sadness, loneliness, grief and loss, my body holding each emotion within me and sitting with myself. It was then that the memories of birth my body carried on a cellular level came into my awareness. The trauma and violence of birth. I had never experienced such anguish as I allowed my body to release this long held memory. I realised that I had always filled my life with things to distract me from myself. I had had times where I had sat with myself yet this time it was different, this time it was me making that decision to finally just hold myself.
In between the worlds of being, lucid dreamlike, I encountered Her. In between the starlit sky and the deep dark soil of Earth I feel her presence. I grasp my pen without hesitation as to not allow Her words to slip away unnoticed and uncaptured. Forming worlds, weaving a tapestry of words, images and thoughts through space and time. She gives breath to the musings caressing each one, holding it to her bosom nurturing with love. They hang like dew drops glistening in the morning sun, more precious than gleaming diamonds.
She taps me on the shoulder and whispers in my ear with her very enchanting voice, which melts the core of my being.
‘I am her my Child do not despair’.
I turn to see such magnificence that I gasp in astonishment and drop my pen. There she is glistening with such ethereal beauty it is hard for my eyes to physically take her in. By just her energy alone I feel as though I am travelling through time and space. The intensity of her being penetrates my Souls and ignites a power so all-consuming that I cannot feel my body. The essence of my being is encapsulated within her and I separate myself, where did she end and I begin? Whilst I was experiencing such a phenomena that my mind had no comprehension of grasping. Her soothing voice says;
‘Do not worry my child your Soul is acknowledging the Oneness that we are, you and I. In this world of worlds, the only constant is my love for you, you are always held. I know you feel this ache within you this emptiness that gnaws at your life like a monster. You are afraid it will destroy everything you hold dear. But what if I told you that this aching started as soon as you drew your first breath during your physical birth, that pain that pierced your lungs, you cried out screamed. You fought so hard not to be born. Your tiny body was stiff with fear.’
With tears streaming I yelled; ‘Why was I born? I didn’t want to be ’.
She turned around and cupped my face in her hands as she looked into my eyes, her eyes glistening overflowing with love.
‘My beautiful Child you were born to become awakened Divinity and embodied, to receive all of Life, with wings at your back. So you may rise with your sacred animal feet to dance with sacred delight upon this Earth.’
If you felt a connection to this story or would like to delve deeper into yourself, please contact me at www.suryatherapy.com , or via facebook on my page Surya Therapy, drop me Layla at Surya Therapy a message.
Art By Selena Fenech Mermaid Oracles